How Do You Know What's Real?

One of life’s big questions is: How do you tell if someone is genuine? Is there a “sincerity test”? It’s often our default to go by what someone says. “Did you hear what so-and-so said? That’s exactly how I feel and what I want!”

But how do we grow in wisdom? One way is by questioning whether the words people say match what’s really in their heart — are they being sincere? Discernment — the ability to see what’s true — often comes down to watching what shows up in action. It means doing the extra work to see if what someone claims matches how they live, how they treat others, and what kind of presence they bring into a room.

In a way, our inner lives are always showing on the outside. Just as you can tell the type of tree by the fruit it produces, you can tell what’s going on inside a person by the qualities that consistently come out in their behavior: patience, forgiveness, honesty, kindness, or peace. These outward “fruits” are the natural result of what’s growing beneath the surface.

But here’s something important: sometimes you may look for fruit and find very little — or none at all. Sometimes people’s words don’t match their actions. They may talk about love but act with selfishness. They may promise peace but stir up conflict. In those moments, discernment means trusting what you see in someone’s life more than what you hear. The absence of fruit doesn’t mean the spirit isn’t there — roots can be hidden, and growth takes time — but it does mean we should be wise about who we trust and how we let their lives influence ours.

I remember reading a story about a neighborhood that was hit by a terrible storm. The power was out, trees had fallen, and people felt scared and alone. There was one man in the community who kept saying how he was going to “take care of everything” and spoke boldly whenever the cameras were around, but when it came down to it, he never actually did anything. On the block there was one house with a garden that had always been a source of beauty and encouragement to the whole neighborhood. The storm destroyed her garden and landscaping, but her home was untouched. She was a quiet neighbor who mostly kept to herself, but everyone was surprised — and grateful — when she began walking door to door with sandwiches, quietly checking in on people, making sure everyone had something to eat. She didn’t have to say she cared — her kindness showed it, because she put her love into action in a time of need.

That’s what discernment looks like: noticing who is bearing fruit. Not the ones who talk the loudest or promise the most, but the ones whose actions quietly nourish others and bring good into difficult situations. As Mr. Rogers’ own mother told him when he was a boy and saw frightening news, “Look for the helpers.” Look for the people who demonstrate patience, kindness, or courage when things are hard. That’s how you can tell the tree is healthy and reliable. Look for the people who live out their values — and remember that’s the kind of tree each of us is encouraged to become.

When I talk about the “spirit,” I mean that spark of God’s love and guidance planted deep within us. It’s like the root system of a tree, steady and nourishing, always feeding the best in us. And just like fruit doesn’t all ripen at the same time, these qualities show up in different ways and at different seasons in life. One day you might find that forgiveness has ripened in you, while patience is still green and growing. Similarly, when you look at others, you may notice that some fruits are ripe, while others are still forming. That’s how growth works — it happens in stages, gently, steadily.

So how does this “show up”? What does it look like? A tart Granny Smith isn’t a sweet Gala, and a Honeycrisp has a very different crunch than a McIntosh. They’re all apples, but each variety has its own flavor. In the same way, the fruits of the spirit have a different flavor in each of us. Your kindness may be quiet and steady, while someone else’s might be bold and full of laughter. Your peace may feel calm and grounding, while another’s brings lightness and joy. Each unique “flavor” adds richness to our world.

And here’s something else to consider: fruit isn’t grown for the tree itself. A tree doesn’t eat its own apples. It produces its bounty to share. The qualities ripening in you — love, peace, mercy, joy, kindness — are meant to be nourishment for others. The world is hungry for them. When you practice patience with your family (sometimes the hardest place to offer this fruit), honesty with a friend, or forgiveness toward someone who hurt you, you’re feeding the people around you in ways that matter more than you know.

These fruits don’t appear to prove that you’ve “arrived” — they appear to show that you’re healthy and still growing. They draw others in and encourage them in their own growth. They’re the indicators that your life is ripening and aligning with what’s real (truth), what’s meaningful (beauty), and what’s loving (goodness). And when discernment shows you that someone’s words don’t match their fruits, that’s observation ripening into wisdom. Using that wisdom to decide who is trustworthy, and challenging yourself to keep growing in ways that are real and sincere, is a noble pursuit.

 Reflection Questions

→ When you think about people you trust, what fruits do you notice in their lives?

→ What do you do when you see a gap between someone’s words and their actions?

→ What fruit in your own life feels ripe right now? Which ones are still slowly ripening?

→ How might your unique “flavor” of kindness, patience, or hope bring nourishment to others this week?

Closing Thought: Truth is what you can see in someone’s honesty, beauty is what you can feel in the joy and peace they share, and goodness is what you taste in their kindness. These fruits — or their absence — help us discern what’s real, both in others and in ourselves.